Sunday 3 May 2015

SO, THERE'S STILL AN ELECTION TO COME AND WE ASKED BALDRICK FOR ADVICE: HE CONCLUDES THAT PEOPLE LIKE NICOLA STURGEON

But first, an intervention from the clunking fist.

Well, we know you're not getting paid for this any more Gordon, but you could have at least feigned a little interest in what this man was saying, well OK, reading. How would you have liked it if, when you were young, an ex prime minister had come along to one of your speeches and slept through it?
That's great Baldrick. What is it?


Set up a stall with pretty red balloons.
That will get the people interested.
Red balloons are very pretty. People like pretty things.
Or we could wheel out the geriatric squad fro a bit of violence.
People like a bit of violence.
Or for an undisclosed sum of money we can get disgraced has beens to change how they already changed allegiance
when they were thrown out of their old party for being on the fiddle. 

Let's face it, he'll do anything for some money. 
He hasn't got a job, you know.
But he's a Striver, not a skiver
That goes down well with ordinary folk. 
Better still, we could get all cool and write it on a tablet.
Young people like tablets. They all carry them around.
Dunno how they manage it.
Did I mention that we could have a stall with red balloons?
Oh I know, we could get out that dippy woman again.
People like dippy women.
Or we could have a big meeting over some taxpayer funded food.
People like royal weddings and they always have vast amounts of taxpayer funded grub. Maybe Harry could marry Sally.
I saw the film where they met.
We could all say different things to prove we are human.
People like humans, well some of them anyway.
Or we could always say exactly the same thing...folk like consistency.
OK, even I can see that this is not a cunning plan.
We'll put him back in a box under the bed.
We could try to wake up the House of Lords and get them to .... No?
 OK bad plan. People don't like the House of Lords!
Got it.
Cunning or what? Jim could scare the living daylights out of old people.
It worked last time. Old people like being scared, and Jim is super scary!
Red balloons didn't work but we could try blue ones? People like blue. It's a pretty colour. People like pretty colours
Or get these blue people to stand at our stalls....
People like a mixture of colours
Nah, wait. This is a stroke of genius.
We could get that Nicola Sturgeon to come
and speak about left wing politics for ordinary people.
That should do the trick. People like left wing policies.
Yeah, look. No matter where she goes, she attracts massive crowds.
People like Nicola Sturgeon.

30 comments:

  1. Ha ha ha... An he's sitting in right by the exit... How handy.

    :)

    I think Baldrick may have forgotten that the Liberals exist!

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  2. Was Alexander or his helpers kidnapped or the hot air in the red balloons carry the balloons away?

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    1. I think the hot air in the balloons is the most likely explanation. Not so sure which balloons it was in... :)

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  3. "People like Nicola Sturgeon."
    Actually I think you're wrong there -
    People LOVE Nicola Sturgeon!

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    1. LOL You know me... the master of the understatement!!!

      You're right. She is loved.

      I've not met here, so I have no idea what she's like as a person, but she's an incredibly compelling communicator and her energy is quite astounding.

      She really seems to believe what she is saying, which beats the pants off most of the rest of the leaders.

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  4. McConnell proves that politicians of all parties should be banned from social media. Idiots on all sides who just don't think.

    Oh, btw I'm not the anonymous who loves Nicola. I like her but I've never yet met a politician I'll fawn over, At the risk of getting shot here, after the election is over the SNP need to focus on policies, not personalities. Cameron managed to become PM with Clegg's help, and both are in serious need of personality transplants.

    And I apologise for insulting the Aye-Aye earlier by comparing it to Murphy. Nothing is that bad.


    (Pass my pills please, I've missed my medication.........)

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    1. I think to be fair, that there are plenty of policies out there along with Nicola's personality. There is, though, a danger of the cult of personality. Nicola, like the rest of them is very much out there at the moment, but after the election she will be more likely to be working hard behind the scenes. I really hope she takes herself a little holiday. She's been working flat out for what seems like years.

      Cameron and Clegg are exactly what their class always provides. A part of the set that says a series of standard things because that is what people of their class say.

      There will be some that they keep for Henley, some for the Royal Opera, some for Wimbledon, some for the Chelsea Flower Show, or Lords... and some that are interchangeable> Yawn.

      The Aye Aye delegation that arrived this afternoon to see Munguin with their complaints has now been somewhat pacified, you will be pleased to know. It may be safe for you to go out again!

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    2. She has integrity, charisma and passion what is not to like if you hold those values, just because her chosen job is to be a politician to achieve what is best for Scotland is no reason to label all politicians as careerists only.

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    3. Yeah. She seems to have that with a razor mind and intellect far outweighing her opponents.

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    4. I'm not having at go at her, rather the SNP machine which focuses attention on an individual, rather than policies. Her debating skills are very good, and she comes across far better than Salmond, who I thought was too arrogant. Her softer approach is working.

      One criticism is that blooming helicopter. British politics seem to be heading towards the pattern of the US.

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    5. I'd have preferred to leave the chopper out. It is a bit showy. On the other hand of course it has meant that she could be in Portree and Inverness on the same morning.

      There is a bundle of talent in the SNP. I've met a lot of them. Sharp clever people. I think it is a mistake to focus too much on one person.

      Mind you they did that with Alex and many opponents thought that if he wasn't there they would be lost.

      So...erm, how's that working out?

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    6. I'll be a bit blunt - Alex was past his sell by date in respect of the leadership. At least in the view of the public. Political leaders have a shelf life of about 5 or 6 years. After that they go stale. Plus I think the motivation is difficult to maintain. As well as campaigning, they have all the crap that goes with ministerial office, including all the necessary but tedious work. Added to that constituency business. Then you have to deal with the media and look super excited when visiting a factory....

      No wonder he looked knackered.

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    7. I'd have preferred to leave the chopper out. It is a bit showy. On the other hand of course it has meant that she could be in Portree and Inverness on the same morning.

      There is a bundle of talent in the SNP. I've met a lot of them. Sharp clever people. I think it is a mistake to focus too much on one person.

      Mind you they did that with Alex and many opponents thought that if he wasn't there they would be lost.

      So...erm, how's that working out?

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    8. I'd have preferred to leave the chopper out. It is a bit showy. On the other hand of course it has meant that she could be in Portree and Inverness on the same morning.

      There is a bundle of talent in the SNP. I've met a lot of them. Sharp clever people. I think it is a mistake to focus too much on one person.

      Mind you they did that with Alex and many opponents thought that if he wasn't there they would be lost.

      So...erm, how's that working out?

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  5. tris and the nats


    Not impressed with the snp rent a crowd u keep getting the same
    nats in the pics but in different places.

    Anyway me head hurts i wuz trying to avoid all off Cleggys red lines
    there being so many all over the place and popping up outa no where.
    when blow me stepping backwards i only banged against ed millibands
    monolith which toppled over and bashed me on me ole nogging it do hurt so.

    Here is us at a labour party meeting

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  6. Bad form to laff at your own jokes .....but snigger !

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    1. Actually that was quite a good one... snigger... Did Taz tell you it?

      I think maybe Miliband thinks he's Moses.

      Not sure why Clegg was even allowed on that programme. He's a spent force. You'd think with the lack of popularity of his party and his desperation for power, you'd think he wouldn't have a single red line.

      So whatcha think Niko, is Nicola putting them all in her helicopter, coz she was in Portree and then Inverness... it's a long with if you not got a chopper!!

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    2. PS. Have you heard from John or Conan lately?

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    3. Too many people in that meeting, I don't think they were all invited.

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    4. Well, I don't recognise any faces, but... hey there are so many, you couldn't be expected to match them up.

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  7. tris

    well Taz did suggest a few lines

    Did you see this


    also asked David Cameron about the alleged chaos, instability and uncertainty he says will be created if he doesn't win. The Tory campaign has obsessed about the SNP for two reasons: first because the party's success against Labour in Scotland could help ensure that the Tories become the largest party in the UK and, secondly, because fear of the influence of a powerful group of Scottish nationalists in Westminster is, according to insiders in all parties, shifting votes in England.

    Without the rise of Nicola Sturgeon, David Cameron would already be packing his bags… you are utterly dependent on them doing well for your own personal survival?

    "I don't accept that. The Conservatives have one seat in Scotland, we are hoping to add to that what's happening in Scotland, or looks like it's going to happen in Scotland, is a calamity for Labour and that's not my responsibility."
    Profound questions

    Today, in language that no other politician would dare to use, Boris Johnson escalated the Tory warnings about the SNP, talking of "Ajockalypse now". Mr Cameron told me that "Boris has his own way, very colourful descriptions and I leave those to Boris".

    But his language, talk of puppets, illegitimacy. Are you not threatening the future of your own country to preserve your own job?

    "No, I'm saying that the best way to save the country is to have a government that would work for the whole of the UK, that is not reliant on nationalists from one part of it, and that is a Conservative majority government. I am fighting the SNP with everything I've got. I totally disagree with them about their plan to break up the UK.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/election-2015-32575123

    well said nick robinson

    Nicola wants Independence she is wrong but that is aim

    Cameron wants to stay in power and would destroy the UK
    to achieve that .

    Nicola is being Honorable although wrong ,
    Cameron is a traitorous cnut a man without any honor
    even the DUP agree with that

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    1. Well it's a matter of opinion whether any politician is right or wrong.

      I respect your view that Nicola is wrong to want an eventual independence. I'd ask if you think she's wrong to try to get what Brown and the party leaders promised Scotland in September, regardless of EVEL that Cameron sprung on everyone including fellow Privy Counsellor, the next day in the sneaky backhanded way that Eton boy spivs behave...

      Clearly Cameron works for a group of people which is largely extremely rich and influential. In a democracy that's his right. it's a pity so many relatively poor people feel snobbishly obliged to vote for him because it gives them some sort of status at the golf club. And its a great pity so many have to die for his and his inhuman lieutenant Smith's hatred of the poor.

      Nigel Farage stands for pretty much hating everyone who isn't white English in addition to appealing to another band of I'm Alright Jack types.. He and his party are repugnant racists, but they are entitled to put forward their views and seek election.

      I have no earthly idea what the Labour Party sands for anymore. I used to know, and I think, like you, more or less approve. Then abomination, in the name of Blair, came along with his trusty lieutenants Mandelson, Murphy and Brown. A skanky foursome of opportunist. They ruined the party so that they could get rich.

      I suppose I've not given any thought to the Liberals. They are heading back to the days of Joe Grimmond. An irrelevant fringe party. No one really knows or cares what they stand for.

      But they had their 5 years in the sun and some of them will now get a weekly pension of £1500 on top of their parliamentary and ministerial pensions. 'Nice work if you can get it, and you can get it if you lie'...to paraphrase someone (Gershwin maybe?)

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  8. Tris

    I must I am bored with most of it. I am bored with Cameron not answering questions and getting away with it, I'm sick of Murphy shouting and lying and getting away with it, sick of Miliband trying to be a hard man when he is not up to the job. I'm sick of Clegg and Rennie living in some kind of acid Britain where everything is colourful and nothing to do with the fibdems. I'm sick of Davidson for being a tory lacky but at least she is as honest as a tory could ever be and I'm even sick to death of the SNP and the balance of power bollocks, I want it to be over as I have learned nothing from the worst GE in my lifetime and I am really sick of the poor excuse we have for a media in this country where a royal baby is somehow seen as more wonderful than every other baby, only this one will get the best of everything paid for by cutting child benefit to those children who really need it. I'm sick of this country and how blind most of it's residents are.

    Bruce

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    1. I've yet to meet someone who isn't sick of the election Bruce.

      My mum was just pointing out though, that it will be over in a few days time.

      Then of course the fighting for p[ower will really begin.

      I've always wished that I had had the good fortune the be born Icelandic, but, well, I wasn't, so I guess we just need to suck it up.

      Amazingly no one has even mentioned the Saxe Coburg's newest sponger to me.

      I know nothing and care less about it. I don't even know what sex it is.

      Thank goodness.

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    2. I've yet to meet someone who isn't sick of the election Bruce.

      My mum was just pointing out though, that it will be over in a few days time.

      Then of course the fighting for p[ower will really begin.

      I've always wished that I had had the good fortune the be born Icelandic, but, well, I wasn't, so I guess we just need to suck it up.

      Amazingly no one has even mentioned the Saxe Coburg's newest sponger to me.

      I know nothing and care less about it. I don't even know what sex it is.

      Thank goodness.

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    3. Showing your age tris in repeating yourself. LoL

      Female so at least we will only have to fund those by marriage as gawd knows how many we are subsidising on the male side off the records of course.

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    4. Yes Bruce it is the dirtiest campaign ever and the only reason for that is MSM especially the BBC and their set up jaunts with the Labour party in Scotland.

      Hope over Fear.

      The guy in the middle is a convicted Neo-Nazi aka The British State.

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    5. Not quite sure how that happened CH, but you know, living with Munguin, it does tend to put years on you.

      Haven;t they changed all that now? Equal opportunities for royals?

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    6. Yeah, what a brave girl, next to that convicted thug!

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